Guardrails in Our Friendships
In Ephesians 5:15-17, the Apostle Paul provides essential advice for navigating life with wisdom and purpose, urging believers to walk circumspectly, redeem the time, and understand God's will. These verses contain a critical lesson for how we should approach our friendships, highlighting the importance of having "guardrails" that guide and protect us in our relationships.
Just as physical guardrails are designed to keep vehicles from straying into dangerous areas, relational guardrails help us stay on a path of wisdom, away from influences that could lead us astray. Friendships are one of the most significant aspects of life, yet they can also be one of the most dangerous areas if not approached with care. Guardrails are essential because, like a small crash into a rail that prevents a larger catastrophe, they offer a buffer zone to avoid disaster in our relationships.
Walking Circumspectly: Choosing Friends with Care
In Ephesians 5:15, we are commanded to "walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise." This admonition extends directly into the realm of friendships. Walking circumspectly means to be mindful and careful about the influences we allow into our lives. Friends have the unique ability to influence the quality and direction of our lives. Therefore, we must be selective about whom we allow into our inner circle, ensuring they share our values and respect our commitment to living according to God's will. Proverbs 13:20 reminds us, "He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed." This powerful contrast between walking with the wise and being in the company of fools highlights the drastic consequences of choosing poorly.
The Influence of Friends
We live in a culture that craves acceptance, sometimes to the point of compromising our values. Friendships are one of the areas where this desire for acceptance is most powerful.
1 Corinthians 15:33 warns us, "Do not be misled: 'Bad company corrupts good character.'" Guardrails in our friendships help us avoid those influences that may look innocent at first but lead us to places we never intended to go. Whether it’s a negative attitude, compromising behaviour, or outright sin, unhealthy relationships can take us in directions that contradict the life of wisdom and purpose that Ephesians 5:15-17 calls us to live.
Setting Guardrails for Friendships
Guardrails in friendships mean establishing personal boundaries or standards that protect us when we around around people going in the opposite direction, but like a guardrail in the middle of a highway with traffic going in opposite directions. These guardrails help us maintain a buffer zone between us and the potential dangers of unhealthy relationships.
If you find yourself frequently compromising your values around certain friends, that is a sign that you're too close to the edge, and your guardrails need strengthening.
Paul’s encouragement in Ephesians to “redeem the time, because the days are evil” (5:16) highlights the urgency of this matter. We live in a world filled with distractions, temptations, and moral challenges, and if we aren’t intentional about setting guardrails, we may find ourselves veering off course. Setting standards in our friendships not only protects us but also allows us to live with intention and focus, making the most of our time and energy for God’s purpose.
The Dangers of Ignoring Guardrails
The story of Amnon and Jonadab from 2 Samuel 13 serves as a stark example of what happens when guardrails in friendships are ignored. The shocking words, “but Amnon had a friend”.
Amnon, consumed by lust for his half-sister Tamar, might have resisted his destructive desires had it not been for the toxic influence of Jonadab, a friend who encouraged him to act on his sinful impulses. “But Amnon had a friend…”. This friendship led Amnon to ruin, proving the point that friends can either lift us up or bring us down.
Jonadab’s subtle manipulation demonstrates the impact a single relationship can have on the trajectory of someone’s life. Had Amnon set proper boundaries or guardrails in his friendships, he might have avoided the moral disaster that followed. In the same way, many of our greatest regrets could have been avoided if we had established and adhered to relational guardrails.
Talk to anyone who has fallen into destructive lifestyles and sinful habits, and 99 times out of 100, you’ll find a “friend” in the shadows! It’s hard to put a finger on the exact details of their influence, but it’s easy for the spiritually discerning to detect the “catalyst” at work!
· When did you first start doing drugs? I had a friend ...
· When did you take your first drink? I had a friend ...
· When did you start smoking? I had a friend ...
· When did you first look at pornography? I had a friend ...
· When did you first slack off in your prayer life? I had a friend ...
Friendships are powerful, and their influence on our lives cannot be overstated. As believers, we must take Paul's advice in Ephesians 5 seriously, walking carefully and choosing our friends wisely. Guardrails in our relationships serve as protection, allowing us to avoid the moral and spiritual dangers that come with careless companionship.
By establishing personal standards that keep us aligned with God’s will, we can build friendships that encourage us to live wisely and with purpose, redeeming the time and honouring God in all areas of our lives.
Proverbs 13:20 He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed.
Remember, guardrails may cause a small bump when we hit them, but they save us from greater disasters down the road.